Fifty Years And Counting!
(Last week, my husband received the following via email and we have received permission to share it on the blog. It was written by Br. Paul Mershon who, this month, is celebrating 50 years of marriage to his wife, Linda. Whether you are already married or are contemplating marriage, please read carefully. There is much Godly wisdom and marital advice in what Br. Mershon has to say.)
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FIFTY YEARS AND COUNTING!
Dear Friends,
Fifty years ago this month, Linda and I began our journey in life together as one flesh. It has been a wonderful and blessed 50 years! All along the way we have shared many experiences in life from which we have both learned so much. I could surely write a multi-chapter book chronicling all of our adventures.
Neither of us were saved when we became husband and wife on June 12, 1965. Linda came to a saving knowledge of the Lord Jesus Christ one year later, and then I was saved in 1974. It was then that we began our service to the Lord together as husband and wife, service that, by His grace, continues to this day.
It is not my purpose to go into much detail here in this email recounting all that has taken place throughout these many years together, but suffice it to say that God has been so good to us and He gets all of the glory in our union.
Someone recently asked me what I have learned over the past 50 years of marriage. My reply was simple in that I have learned there is always something new to be learned about the marriage relationship and, by God’s grace and with His guidance, make it richer, more fruitful, and more glorifying to Him.
A young lady about to be married asked me if I would be willing to share the key to our enduring marriage. I told her that when Linda and I got married we determined to stay married. It would be better to remain single than to enter into marriage without recognizing the importance of staying married no matter what befalls the relationship. Divorce is never an option, and it has never been an option with us. When we took our wedding vows, even as an unsaved couple, we meant them and purposed in our hearts to keep them. It is better to not vow at all than to vow and not be faithful to those vows. God does not take our vows lightly, nor must we. He will hold us accountable for them.
The institution of marriage is a sacred institution ordained of God, and the marriage vows are inviolable and life-long as man and woman become one flesh. Linda and I took those vows seriously, and by God’s grace have stood by them in the good times and the bad, in the bright days and through the difficult times. God’s plan is one man, for one woman, for one entire lifetime. Only death can end that sacred bond. “ . . . a man leave father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife: and they twain shall be one flesh? Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder” (Matthew 19:5-6).
It takes work and total commitment and submission to one another if the marriage is to be steady and stable. It takes the hand of God upon the union and the guidance of His Word and the ministry and work of the Holy Spirit.
We are partners in life and ministry, serving the Master together, pulling together in the same yoke and not in opposite directions or in opposition to one another.
We have learned that we, as a man and a woman, are different from one another in many ways, and yet we perfectly compliment one another. Thank God for those differences! Woman is man’s completer. God has given her husband headship over her (Genesis 3:16 – I Corinthians 11:3), and yet she is his queen as she walks by his side through life in all that he does, and in all that they do together as one flesh.
It is imperative as well that husband and wife never let a day go by without expressing their love and appreciation for one another, not in deed alone, but in word as well.
Deep respect for one another, and great kindness in all that is said and done must be foremost. Sarcasm, cutting remarks, hurtful words and actions are unacceptable in the marriage relationship.
Transparency is a must in a healthy marriage, and no secret-keeping. Honesty is key to a healthy relationship.
Trust must never be betrayed.
Never stay angry with one another when disagreements come, but be quick to reconcile and resolve conflict.
Serve one another.
Honor one another.
Esteem one another.
Put the needs of your spouse ahead of your own.
The children that God blesses a couple with are a precious gift from Him, but they must not come first in the marriage relationship and cannot be allowed to come between a husband and his wife.
And, above all else, Christ must always be exalted in the marriage that in all things He might have preeminence.
Well, there is much more I could say but I am sure you get the general picture.
On his radio program, the late Paul Harvey once spoke of a couple who had been married for 78 years. They were both well into their 90s. As I thought of them today, I feel like a kid just getting started in my married life! Perhaps God will be gracious to give us many more years together with which to serve Him as he did the folks Mr. Harvey told us about.
We are in Alaska with our daughter, son-in-law, four of our five adult grandchildren and their spouses (only the oldest granddaughter is not here – she is single and living in New Jersey), and our 6 great-grandchildren. We will have a small and intimate gathering of family and a few friends to celebrate this momentous occasion. Linda and I will repeat our wedding vows before them, our pastor son-in-law officiating. I officiated at his wedding when he married our daughter 30 years ago. What a blessing!
Last of all, I want to share with you the opening statement I employ when I perform a wedding ceremony. I share this with the bride and the groom before the actual vows and the ring ceremony take place. As I read them today I have been reminded afresh how sacred and holy they are. Please do take time to read them now as they serve as a reminder of just how serious and sober a matter our marriage vows really are as a man and woman enter into the joyous bonds of matrimony.
To The Bride and Groom
“And the LORD God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him. And out of the ground the LORD God formed every beast of the field, and every fowl of the air; and brought them unto Adam to see what he would call them: and whatsoever Adam called every living creature, that was the name thereof. And Adam gave names to all cattle, and to the fowl of the air, and to every beast of the field; but for Adam there was not found an help meet for him. And the LORD God caused a deep sleep to fall upon Adam, and he slept: and he took one of his ribs, and closed up the flesh instead thereof; And the rib, which the LORD God had taken from man, made he a woman, and brought her unto the man. And Adam said, This is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh: she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man. Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh. And they were both naked, the man and his wife, and were not ashamed” (Genesis 2:18-25).
God Himself instituted and ordained the marriage relationship as a sacred and inviolable and indissolvable union. The marriage relationship was the first institution established by God, and from it come all other institutions.
Marriage, above all other things, has been established for God’s glory.
Second, marriage has been established for the comfort and blessing of mankind as a covenant relationship providing blessed companionship.
Third, marriage was designed of God for the purpose or procreation.
Because the marriage vows and the marriage relationship is holy and sacred, it is better to not marry at all than to marry without the intention of staying together all the days of your life, until death do you part. When you marry, you make a covenant with God and man to stay married no matter what.
Because God hates divorce – putting away – then we should hate it also. Jesus said that He would never leave us not forsake us. When we are saved He does not divorce us if and when we backslide and get off into that which is sinful in His sight. He seeks to reconcile with us – restore us to fellowship as we repent and seek His forgiveness.
Consider how terrible a testimony we would be to a lost and dying world if we did not take our marriage vows seriously and keep them at all costs.
Marriage is sacred in the sight of God in that it is a picture of the relationship between Christ and the Church – between Christ and His Bride.
Love is a choice not a feeling. One may fall in love, and just as easily fall out of love if a marriage is based upon mere feelings and emotions. We must love our spouse and cleave to them as a matter of sacred responsibility. To honor our vows is to honor Christ. When we enter into a marriage relationship as God’s children, our union must be to the glory of the Father and for His blessing and benefit as well as ours. We will stand one day before Christ and give an answer for how we treated this holy institution that is precious and sacred in the eyes of Almighty God, the Creator and Author of marriage. To honor our wedding vows is to honor Him. To dishonor our wedding vows is to dishonor Him.
Marriage was ordained of God for the benefit and blessing of man as a scared institution. Marriage is a picture of the relationship between Christ and His Bride, the church, and a picture of the relationship between Christ and the believer. It is a precious institution which honors and glorifies Him, and is not to be entered into lightly. The marriage relationship and the home were the very first institutions ordained of God and are particularly precious in His sight.
To the Church
We come to this house of worship to celebrate together the marriage of ________. It is fitting and proper that this marriage ceremony be celebrated in the house of God because _________ are servants of God. Not only do they acknowledge His claim on them, they also seek His will in their marriage.
Since God Himself sanctified marriage when He brought together the first man and the first woman, and since the Word of God speaks often of the honor and correctness of marriage, and because God promises blessings on those who are faithful to Him and to each other – this then is a high and holy time for these children of God and for all who love them and share their hopes, prayers, and aspirations for a Christ-centered home. The opposite is also true. The nearest place to hell on earth is a house where hatred, bitterness, and strife are prominent. More scars are put upon a person’s character and heart in an unhappy home than in any other place.
To the Bride and Groom
Someone said that a home ruled by God’s Word is a place where angels may be asked to stay with us, and they would not find themselves out of place! I know that is the kind of home you both desire. You want heaven in your home. There are three ingredients needed in every marriage in order to put heaven in your home.
The first ingredient is a present, a gift. Presents are always important to commemorate special occasions. Don’t neglect the giving of presents to each other. But don’t forget that some presents are nonmaterial. The giving of yourself, your personhood, your time, your words like “I love you,” and “I’m sorry.” The gift of total commitment. The gift of praying for each other, the gift of unselfishness, the gift of desiring that the other mate becomes all he or she is capable of becoming in Christ Jesus. Our Lord taught us this principle and precept of giving when He said, “It is more blessed to give than to receive” (Acts 20:35).
The second ingredient is purpose. Everyone needs a purpose. Every couple needs a purpose. Marriage is not two people standing eye to eye but shoulder to shoulder, looking to similar goals. Praying together and having the mind of Christ as you serve Him in your marriage is so important. By meaningful worship, prayer, and a lot of loving communication you will discover God’s purpose for your life and your home. I enjoin you to obey the Lord Jesus Christ who said, “Seek ye first the kingdom of God . . . .” In seeking Him, and in seeking His will in your union as one flesh, your steps shall surely be ordered of the Lord, and your marriage will always have holy purpose and bring honor and glory to His Name, a Name that is above all names.
The third ingredient is power. The power is in a Person. His Name is the Lord Jesus Christ Who is King of kings and Lord of lords. The word home in one pagan nation means “a shrine of the gods.” But in the Christian life it means the place where Jesus Christ is Lord. There cannot be a successful home that glorifies God if money, prestige, activity, or even people are more important than Jesus Christ. With Christ as the Power in your heart and home, your marriage cannot fail. Jesus promised that, “ . . . lo, I am with you always, even to the end of the world” (Matthew 28:20).
As you enter into the sacred and holy bonds of matrimony, I encourage and admonish you to remember the importance of the inviolable vows you are about to make before God and this congregation assembled. It is not only a commitment to one another, but a matter of holy consecration and sanctification unto the Lord. May your union as husband and wife always and ever glorify the One Who died for your on Calvary’s tree, and shed His blood for you that you might have eternal life.
(by Paul Mershon)