“Lord…Heal My Soul” – My Story

“I said, LORD, be merciful unto me: heal my soul; for I have sinned against thee.” Psalm 41:4

The above verse is one that stood out to me yesterday morning – in particular, the phrase “heal my soul”. Although I didn’t take the time to study it further, the phrase stayed in the back of my mind as the girls and I went on up to town to run our errands before our Wednesday night service.

While out-and-about, the Lord allowed us to cross paths with a sister-in-Christ…one I haven’t seen in a few years. After embracing, we stood and talked for a good 20-30 minutes as we enjoyed catching up on the news of our families. When we finally said our goodbyes, I walked away with a smile. It had been so good to see this dear lady!

Our next stop found me walking around rather aimlessly. Although I had gone to look at the fabric, my mind was preoccupied with what had just taken place. As I continued to muse, the Lord brought to my mind once again, “heal my soul”. It was then that I began to fully realize what had taken place just moments before…

About nine or so years ago, God allowed our family to enter into a season of testing. As the season continued and the trials intensified, something began to take place in my heart. Instead of embracing these trials as God’s will for my life at that time and trusting HIM to take control and see me through them, I found myself attempting to fight my own battles. The results of these continual attempts were repeated failure accompanied by many battle wounds, and eventually…I say this to my shame…bitterness.

During these years, I  came in contact with the lady mentioned above regularly. As the Lord led both of our families in different directions, with the exception of an occasional wave from across a store, our contact in recent years had been nonexistent. In the past, although we saw each other quite frequently, I really can’t say that our fellowship was ever as sweet as it was yesterday. Yesterday’s conversation found both of us making statements such as:

“I’m praying more.”

“I have peace.”

“I’m growing.”

What…or should I say WHO made the difference in our time of communion? God. Only God. By her own testimony as well as mine, God had been doing a work in both of our lives. I am reminded of the following verse:

“The Spirit of the Lord GOD is upon me; because the LORD hath anointed me to preach good tidings unto the meek; he hath sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim liberty to the captives, and the opening of the prison to them that are bound;” Isaiah 61:1

In the past, I have written or shared from other writers articles relating to “Bitterness” and “Forgiveness”. As the case often is, these posts were reflective of what the Lord had recently taught or was currently teaching me. Bitterness is a sin of which I have often warned my own children. Because I have seen firsthand the devastating effects it can have in an individual’s life – both physically and spiritually – bitterness is something from which I have often pleaded with the Lord to spare me. Bitterness is bondage.

In the last three and a half years, the Lord has allowed our family to sit under the preaching and teaching of a pastor who is committed to “preach good tidings unto the meek…bind up the brokenhearted…proclaim liberty to the captives, and the opening of the prison to them that are bound”. Although the trials have not ceased, three and a half years ago, the Lord led us to a place where healing could begin.

No, the hurts that God has allowed our family to experience in no way compare to the fiery trials of many other believers. Nevertheless, were it not for the grace of God, I know I could be sidelined today. Were it not for the Lord giving me the desire as well as the strength to choose forgiveness, I know yesterday would have never happened.

Yesterday, God allowed me to see that He has indeed heard my cry and seen my tears. Yesterday, God allowed me to see that He is answering my prayers of:

“God, I need your help”

“Lord, I want to forgive”

“Please, God, help me not to harbor bitterness”

Yesterday, I realized the Lord is healing my soul. I am so very grateful to Him for His mercy in my life.

“Bring my soul out of prison, that I may praise thy name: the righteous shall compass me about; for thou shalt deal bountifully with me.” Psalm 142:7